SQUEAKY & ME
- sashlie
- Aug 3
- 4 min read
Memorial Day weekend 2012 my daughter and I were saying goodbye to a special friend of ours in the driveway. As we were waving goodbye and walking back to the house my daughter looked down and found this teeny tiny little baby mouse. She had short little pink limbs and a long tail ☺️. Now, one thing you have to know about me, in my childhood, growing up, my mother taught me when you see one of those little mouse’s you scream as loud as you can, you jump on a chair, and if there isn’t a chair, you run as fast as you can with your arms waving in the air. Presently, as a grown up, living as an ethical vegan, I realize, recognize all beings are created equal and I had to try to save this helpless little creature. I was torn. My inner child was facing a dilemma. My compassion overrode my fear. I swallowed my scream and kept the fear of the mouse to myself. I ran inside to tell my spouse what we found and as I was running, I yelled over my shoulder, to my daughter ‘Do not touch it’ ‘Do not pick it up’.
When I got back outside my daughter was holding it in her hands. Ugh. I knew we were in for an adventure.
We googled how to take care of a baby mouse. We went running to the store for kitten formula. Every three hours around the clock for a week we gave her a dropper full of milk, rubbed her belly and made sure she pooped before putting her back to bed. Eventually, we ended up with a very healthy pet mouse. She lived in our oversized downstairs bathroom with our pet rabbit Jake-Up. We named her Squeaky. Her cage sat across from the toilet on a tv table. She had a very fancy cage with all the bells and whistles. Nothing but the best for our pet family! Whenever I would “visit the bunny” I would sit there staring at her cage, at that tiny mouse staring back at me and try to not feel squeamish. One day I said to myself, I think I’m going to put on my big girl pants and hold this thing. I put my hand in the cage, scooped up that little critter and instantaneously fell in love. Her vibration rocked my soul. I could feel the hum of her being run through my veins, right square through my heart. The tears weld up in my eyes. How could such a small little helpless being feel so powerful. I ran my thumb over her head. I touched her nose. I felt her ears. I ran my finger down the spine of her back, and then along her tail she arched her back and shivered. I tried it again and she laid down in my hand and wanted more. This became our daily ritual. I could not wait to wake up and spend quiet morning time with Squeaky. One day she crawled up into my shirt sleeve and settled into the nook of my inner elbow wrapped up in my sleeve. She was there for hours. It is hard to find the words to explain the natural feeling, the comfort of her small little body nestled into my elbow crook sound asleep. It was reminiscent and as powerful as that first night I held my newborn daughter. We were practicing attachment parenting. Trading off every three hours, skin to skin contact with our newly adopted child forming a connection, a lifelong bond.
This became our normal habit. Id wake up, scoop her up and start the day…..make my coffee do the morning chores, all the while her head poking out of my shirt under my chin, watching it all happen. Eventually she would go to her napping spot for the rest of the morning. Of course I had to give her breaks. She did go back in her cage for meals and quiet time, but I have to say she enjoyed going to the dump sometimes, food shopping at Stop & Shop and even an occasional outing to church on a Sunday. Nobody knew except me. She was my superpower. She was my reminder of our fragile existence and how deep our love runs through our veins.
I felt so dependent on her. The thought of her dying, leaving me, losing her, gripped my heart so deeply. The fear squeezed me. Of course that day finally came. I was devastated, crushed. Her loss unbearable. It took my breath away. The memory of her was sometimes hard to bear. The many pictures and videos hard to look at. It took many years and my amazing therapist to finally work through and examine my relationship with loss and death, regret and deep sadness. We had to strangle and stomp out the ache in my heart and the lump in my throat so that I could allow myself to open up and bloom. Making space for the realization of the most beautiful, amazing aspects of life. Living in Peace and spreading Love in my daily life. I still feel her in my crook of my arm. I am reminded every day of how She enriched my life beyond measure. She taught me to live patiently, exhale peace, and share love. To live in fear of loss escapes our true ethical purpose on Earth. All beings are created equal. All beings are deserving of Unconditional love. Because Love is Practical ❤️
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